My Writing Process, author blog tour.

My Writing Process - Blog Tour.
Well here goes nothing then; Rob Bayliss tagged me in this author blog tour where we all talk about our different writing styles. Rob is the author of The Sun Shard novel and is currently working on the follow up Flint and Steel, Fire and Shadow. (The Sun Shard is available from Amazon so go find it and check it out.) Now while as many of you know I’m not really an author but a story teller it seems I’ve still not been found out yet and kicked out of the author lounge. To read Robs blog on his writing process just follow this link –
http://sunshard.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/my-writing-process-blog-tour.html?spref=fb


So let’s get down to the questions and see if I can give you some answers that make at least a little sense.

1. What am I working on?
At the moment I’m struggling with two stories and working on whichever I seem to be getting the ideas for. The first one is another story based around my John the Barman short story. This is a mysterious owner of a bar where gods and all sorts of supernatural creatures go to unwind after a hard day doing their job. It fills in the blanks of what these creatures really do and think about and the day to day trials of their lives. In the second story Lucifer, Death and a group of the customers decide they need a holiday to escape the stress of work. What follows is a no experience spared ‘lads’ package holiday which includes them coping with budget airlines and ensuring you get a sun lounger by the pool. Sunburn and drunken nights abound as the group experience their first holiday ever.
The second work in progress is the ever so slightly later than promised Third Book in the Alienbutt Saga. This comedy space opera sees the hero, Piestoff Alienbutt left leading the Ick and rebels of the Outer Systems after the bloody rise of the evil Mr Fluffy. With the universe in tatters and the heart of the Federation and Coffee Houses ripped apart old enemies must form an uneasy alliance to combat the diabolical Mr Fluffy as he tightens his grip on his new universal empire. With Fate and Destiny left wondering what went wrong can Alienbutt still be the saviour of the Ick Empire or will the universe fall to utter ruin?

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

With my stories I try to take a totally ridiculous idea and turn it into a story that is not just (hopefully) funny but also action packed.
The Alienbutt Saga is based around humanity using coffee, which is the most addictive drug ever know, to take control of the universe. Only the last Alienbutt and the Ick Empire can stop them, well that is until a new evil rises to challenge both sides. The mysterious Mr Fluffy is a super intelligent cat who aims to take control of the universe that rightly belongs to him anyway. The story is full of epic space battles and strange science as war rips apart the universal peace.
John the Barman is about putting gods and supernatural beings into everyday situations of having jobs they hate, retirement and growing old and online dating problems. Also my other short story series in the Vampire Eloim Stories, the tale of a teenage cross dressing vampire struggling to stay out of trouble as a Demon Empress tries to hunt him down. A young vampire that is stylish (even if it is his sister’s outfit he’s wearing.) but doesn’t think twice about killing and would only go to a school to drink all the cheer leaders.

Why do I write what I do?
I have a twisted sense of humour and like to look at the world and see the bizarre in everyday things. I get random ideas and sometimes they come together into something I can make into a story. I would struggle to write a story that didn’t have a slightly twisted angle to the subject as my brain can’t cope with serious, so I’m left to my own devices so far to just be that strange person telling daft stories.

How does my writing process work?
Well the easy answer is I sit with a glass of whisky and drink, type and refill the glass. This is because I only really get the peace on an evening to sit down, relax and write. During the day there’s always things that need doing (Facebook isn’t a distraction at all, honest.) and until I sell enough books I can’t afford a housekeeper. I get ideas from anywhere, a random conversation or just letting my mind wander. John the Barman came from a Facebook status update and the equally twisted minds of people on my friends list. I don’t have any rules for writing, never set targets (I always miss them) I just see an idea and try to see where it will go. If it’s a good idea then the words will flow and I end up with something, if not it’s back to Candy Crush until another idea forms. Another good point of my writing style is I’m lazy so because of my subject matter I don’t need to do a lot of research, I really do just make it all up as I go along.

Well that’s me, like I said I’m a story teller as I’m far too unorganised to be an author. Next up on this Blog Tour is one of my favourite horror authors and luckily for me a friend. The founder, with her husband of Gingernut Books who decided they like my daft stories enough to take me on.
So let me introduce the red-headed stealer of souls from the depths of Sherwood Forest, the amazingly talented Michelle Gent. Michelle burst onto the horror scene with the amazing Deadlier… than the Male, a sprawling epic that introduced readers to her world of wolfkind. With more books following plus her Dusty the Demon Hunter series she has established herself as a mistress of horror.

Her blog can be found here:
http://www.dmichellegent.co.uk/blog.html

How to make Alienbutt's special chili sauce.

When you make a chili sauce you want something that will hit the right spot (and then melt right though it.)
So before we get to what to put in a chili sauce why does chili burn so much?

The stuff that gives chili peppers the ability to strip the lining from inside your mouth is capsaicin and several other related chemical thingys, collectively they are called capsaicinoids. When you eat a chili these capsaicinoids head for the pain receptors in your mouth and throat and give them a dam good kicking, that's what is responsible for you sensing your mouth is on fire. Once kicked by the capsaicinoids, these receptors send a message to your brain that something hot is doing a chemical peel to your mouth. You brain responds to this burning sensation by raising the heart rate, increasing perspiration and releasing endorphins, in other words, it has a panic attack.
The "heat" of chili peppers is measured in Scoville heat units (SHU), this is basically how much chili extract must be diluted in sugar syrup before its heat becomes undetectable to a panel of tasters. In February, 2012, a test at the Chile Pepper Institute of New Mexico State University revealed that the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion had scored a Scoville rating of 2,000,000, making it not just hotter than hell but the hottest chili found on Earth.

So thats the chili lesson out of the way so now how to make a great chilli sauce, so here's what you need to get.


Ingredients

350g Trinidad Moruga Scorpion, roughly chopped
half a can of diced tomatoes
1/2 whisky glass of sugar (normal white stuff not the posh brown).
1/2 whiskey glass of white wine vinegar (posh stuff, not what you pour out of the pickled onion jar).

What you do.

Mix up the chilli, tomatoes, sugar and vinegar in a saucepan,bang it on full heat and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat so it goes to a Simmer, stir it around a bit every so often. Leave it to simmer like this for several minutes or until sauce thickens up a bit. Remove from heatand leave it to stand for five or so minutes.

Pour the mixture into a blender and zap it until its as smooth as you want it. Pour into jars and the jobs a gud 'en.
Refrigerate and its good for up to 3 weeks.

So get cooking and pour generously over those kebabs for the best food going, a bottle of whiskey is optional but you'd be daft to leave it out. (Larger works well for light-weight drinkers)